Sep 2006

I'm sitting here trying to do the math. Somehow the time space continuum always throws me for a loop. Today is Saturday. One week from today I will be crossing the International Date Line; so technically speaking, one week from today does not exist for me. I leave Los Angeles on Friday, spend umpteen hours on a plane and arrive in Kuala Lumpur on Sunday afternoon. I think I just blew my own mind.

What I'd really like to write about here is something much more tangible and concrete; cosmic signs and celestial allignment. That's right, are the moon and stars trying to tell me something? I'm not so sure about that. I personally like to think of the moon as that really cool guy with sunglasses singing about Big Macs and Fries. Now there's a sign. The moon is telling me to buy Big Macs. Easy enough for me to understand.

But let's take a look at a few of the recent signs this jokester moon has been throwing me over the past several weeks as I prepare for my trip to SE Asia.

1st sign: A small golden retriever I was dog-sitting knocks an old woman off of her bicyle; or more perhaps more accurately frightens her with his playful golden retriever antics. Whatever the case, the woman falls down and breaks her hip and elbow. In America, we have this pesky little thing called a lawsuit which looms over me. Sign? Add in the fact that the dogs' owner is from Taiwan, and woooohooooonannoonanoo. Definite sign: Asia is trouble.

2nd Sign: On a recent raft trip in Utah, I'm running around barefoot and I cut open the bottom of my foot on a rock, probably requiring stitches. Not one to end a good raft trip, I rub a little sand in there and call it good. Sign? Well, walking is generally a pretty helpful thing while travelling.

3rd Sign: Hobbling around on my ankle from the injured foot, my back is thrown out of whack to the point where I needed to be essentially carried to my car to get to the chiropractor. Sign? Again, being able to stand upright often comes in handy while backpacking around Asia.

4th Sign: While attending a UN Conference in New York, the Prime Minister of Thailand receives word that, well his services are no longer needed back home. That and the Thai military has tanks surrounding his old haunts to ensure that he doesn't just go ahead and try to govern anyway. With a 4 day stop-over in Bangkok and it being the city of my departure home, could this be another sign? Images of tanks in the streets aren't exactly "money shots" for Chamber of Commerce ad execs.

So of course all of these signs are out there telling me perhaps my timing is bad, and oh yeah, I should probably buy a Big Mac. But here's the deal - where are the signs that tell me YOU CANNOT GO. Having read a lifetime of Taurus horoscopes telling me things like "be skeptical of people in red hats today", I've never really put a whole lot of stock in what the stars are telling me. Not that I don't believe in them entirely, but a little more information would be helpful astro-counselors!

So I look at these signs like this. The dog woman has turned out to be incredibly reasonable; only looking for reimbursement of out-of-pocket expenses; my foot has healed up just in time and my back feels just fine now. If there are a few tanks in the streets of Bangkok when I get there, well imagine the photo-ops. So unless I get a sign in the next week that tells me, buddy, do not get out of bed today, I'm going with the theory that the Moon Man is just trying to tell me to be careful. If you're going to be jumping around on rock outcroppings, wear a pair of Nike's dummy. If you don't want trouble in Bangkok, definitely do not offer to keep an eye on someone's dog over there and then let it go urinate on a tank.

So for all of you worried about me out there, you have my word that I have seen the writing on the wall and will take all precautions necessary to arrive home safely! But I'm not going to buy a Big Mac whatever that smooth-talking Moon Man says; they're just kind of gross.